- by Dr Gowher Yusuf
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- Feb 10 2017
Teens: How do you learn to control your anger? Activity 20
Source: The Anger workbook for Teens by (Raychelle Cassada Lohmann, MS)
Some reactions make easier to resolve a conflict, while others make it harder. Being aware of your own style can help you learn to respond in a positive way. And since people react to conflict in different ways, it is also helpful if you can recognize others styles.
Here are some common ways people react to conflict.
The Competitor: It’s your own way or the highway. You are bound and determined to win, no matter the cost. You blame and accuse others of being wrong. You are always right. You are going to get the final word in, if it is the last thing you do!
The Doormat: You let others take advantage of you. Saying no has never been easy for you, so you become a doormat for other to walk on, which makes you angry. But you won’t say or do anything because you don’t want to make anyone mad at you.
The Bolter: In difficult situations, you bolt! You avoid conflict at all costs, no matter how angry a situation has made you. You tell yourself that there is nothing you can do about it. You rarely find a solution for your problems. You just bottle them up. Needless to say, you have a lot of unfinished business.
Team Builder: When you have a conflict with someone, you stay focused on what happened rather than launching an attack on the other person. You try to resolve the conflict by meeting in the middle, or compromising. If you can’t compromise, you agree to disagree and move on.
Can you guess which approach is the most effective? If you guessed the team builder, you are right! Team builders try to understand a situation before reacting. By using good listening and communication skills, they are more likely to get others to listen to how they feel, making it easier to resolve a conflict.
Think about how you usually react to conflict. Put a 1 next to the style you are most likely to use and continuing making the other styles 2-4
____The Team Builder
If you use a different approach to conflict, describe it.
Ask several people who know you well how they think you most often react to conflict. Write down their responses here. Do most agree with the style you ranked first?
Tell about a conflict you recently had. How could you have resolved it using the Team Builder style?
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