- by Dr A Chakravarthy
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- Jul 27 2017
7 ways your relationship may be sabotaging your sex life
Having problems in your bedroom life? It’s time to re-evaluate your overall relationship! It is very likely that fights related to work, kids, housework can take the sizzle out of your sex life.
‘A relationship flourishes in enriched soil’, but if you uproot your marriage and repot it in sand by not making time for each other or by spending too much time in fighting, it runs the risk of wilting away.
Marriage problems may look insurmountable when you are in middle of them, but you may be surprised by the impact small changes in your relationship can have. Check out 7 ways to make your relationship and your sex life-better.
Bad sex Reason no 1: Lack of communication
People speak different ‘languages of love’. One might express love through giving gifts to their partner while other shares feelings. Women are better at verbalizing their feelings however men have trouble identifying their own feelings so they can’t really share them.
If your partner speak a different love language than what you speak, it is very easy to feel in loved which can affect your desire for your partner. Talking about how you want your partner to show you love can help.
When it is about actual sex, it is very important to talk about what all you like and way you want to get touched. Give feedback by asking for what you want, making sounds (such as an ‘aaah’ or ‘uummm’), or by simply saying ‘don’t stop’.
If you don’t like what your partner is doing, ask ‘can you do (fill in what you do like) some more?’ or direct your partner’s hands.
Bad sex reason no.2: An imbalance of household and parenting chores
Various surveys have proved that sharing housework and childcare ranks third as a factor for having successful marriage. However, women still tends to take most of these duties, even though they are full-time employed. This causes resentment over who does what at home which ultimately causes creepiness in bedroom.
Housework is one of the biggest libido-killers known to woman. Tasks at work are linear in nature - if you have a report to write it, you write, and you’re done. However, household chores are circular and never - ending. No matter how much cooking, cleaning and laundry you do, there’s always more to do the next day.
One of the most sexy and endearing things a partner can do is pitch in and help with household chores. It’s also okay to lower your standards for cleaning and laundry. When a woman had less on her to-do list, she’s more able to relax and get in the mood for erotic pleasure.
Bad sex reason no.3: Being disconnected
This in the most common reason found in married couples which results into living in a harried lifestyle making them spending most of the time juggling obligations and couples hardly have time for each other.
Between work obligations and kid obligations, the only ‘we’ time couples have together feels more like a corporate board meeting than an intimate conversation between friends or lovers. In an un-emotional climate like this, deep satisfying sex is impossible’. To rectify this problem, spend time with each other. Hire a babysitter, take a weekend trip without kids or get a ticket to an interesting place or event.
Think of the financial cost as an investment in your relationship. This will lead to connection and trust in your relationship which would in turn lead to better sex.
Bad sex reason no.4: Fighting
Every couple on this earth fights but it is important to balance your fights with five positive shared experiences. It is revealed that the health of a relationship is based on the fact that how good you each feel for each other, so if you are fighting a lot, you have to make sure you’re also having plenty of fun together.
It is okay to disagree on some issues, but when you disagree, focus only on positives, look for common ground and work on finding a solution to what you’re fighting about.
Bad sex reason no.5: A damaged past
One-third of Americans grew up in homes where they were either neglected emotionally or abused physically or sexually. Growing up in such an atmosphere makes it hard for the sufferer to trust others and eventually if you can’t trust your partners, you can’t have a satisfying sex life with him or her.
This type of problems mainly crops in when relationship has fully established which results in creating distance between the two partners involved. In this situation, one can seek the help of a therapist who would help in tackling the issue and guide both partners on how to gain trust in the relationship.
Bad sex reason no.6: Money disagreements
According to the National Healthy Marriage Resource, money issues are the biggest reason for divorce among first-time marriages. It is very likely that couples disagree about how to spend money. But it is important to note that one of the benefits of marriage is that you and your partner can keep each other in check financially. However with other issues related to marriage, the tension may make its way into the bedroom.
To tackle this situation, spend some time together once in a week and discuss about your finances and at the end make all your decisions regarding money matters mutually. If you are going through a financial crisis, committing to each other and going through it together can strengthen your relationship, which will help your sex life.
Bad sex reason no.7: Sexual Incompatibility
Most common kind of sexual incompatibility is a discrepancy in the level of desire between partners. If you do not have many reasons for conflict in a relationship, you may be able to come to a compromise about how often you have sex. But if your partner with strong sex drive thinks this as a total rejection and a sign of being unloved, serious problems can arise. If the higher-drive person is often angry or pouty, the whole relationship becomes soured. Even if the one person agrees to have sex with the other to avoid hostility, in long run it leads to diminished sex drive of that person. It is advisable to get professional help from a specialist in Sexual Medicine or Relationship Expert for negotiating this difference, so that your marriage stays happy and strong.
Making these small changes in your lifestyle can go a long way in tackling problems and you can even seek the help of a therapist to get rid of difficult problems which would lead to better sex life and a stronger relationship between partners.
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